I’ve experienced a lot of darkness in the last several months, and what can I say… I’m looking forward to some resurrection!! What with a college friend dying in the earthquake in Haiti, a coworker dying, and my dad being diagnosed with cancer, this semester has certainly not been a favorite. The darkness of winter seems to have infused my soul, and I’ve been feeling it creep into my relationships with other people and my outlook on life and faith as a whole. Yuck. I need some resurrection around here!!
Earlier in the year, PK preached on dying in order to receive new life. And it’s not always the big deaths she’s referring to. Sometimes an idea has to die to give way to a better idea, or an organization has to die in order to come back in cooperation with other partners. This death and resurrection is what Lent is all about, and this does not come as new news to me. Back in January, I helped to facilitate a Worship & Arts Committee meeting to plan big picture stuff for Lent. We talked about brokenness and renewal; many people drew images of trees. I also helped co-lead a music and worship retreat for a church group up at Mar-Lu-Ridge in January. As we taught the group a song called “Holiness,” one of the adult leaders questioned the lyrics:
Brokenness, brokenness is what I long for.
Brokenness is what I need.
Brokenness, brokenness is what You want from me.
Why would we ask for brokenness?, he wanted to know. I let the pastor take the lead on answering his question at the time, but I’ve kept thinking about it for all of Lent, and especially now. Maybe if I allow myself to feel broken (that’s the dying part), there will be the opportunity to be put back together in a new and stronger way (new life!). So, needless to say, as Easter approaches… I’m looking forward to having some resurrection in my life.
I had the opportunity to visit John and Erna Steinbruck today. I spent my work day with Pastor Karen, Sarah (the current LVCer in the Steinbruck Center), and my old housemate Kristen as we made the roadtrip to Delware to enjoy community, soak in some wisdom, and feel the therapeutic effects of the ocean on our souls. It was lovely, as always. It baffles me how I always leave inspired with both passion and a sense of calm. The day away from making bulletins was much needed, and I’m looking forward to whenever I can have another day of rest. It certainly seems like the dying and rising takes a lot of energy! There’s a lot for me to look forward to – my Tribute to Aaliyah dance performance this weekend, Holy Week, a short trip home for Easter… but how do you carry on with every day life and somehow think ahead to what you’re called to do next? All I feel like I can handle at this point is one day at a time! So, as for the rest of today… it’s American Idol for me and Allison, then sleep. It’s not the Lent I expected to have, but I suppose in the end, I’m glad I’m not in control.